TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
