The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
