Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
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