Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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