First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
