I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
