After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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