my mouth tastes like poor choices
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
