Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
