I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
