the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
