Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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