I got chris browned last night
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
