im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
