Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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