Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
