This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
