i jhust puked up my retainher.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize