I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
