so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize