sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
