I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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