But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
