she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
