I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Randomize
