You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
