Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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