dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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