i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
