Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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