Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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