you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I stole a fireplace last night.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
