will power is for people who don't want to get laid
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
