We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
