i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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