Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
