How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My vagina is officially offended.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
