We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
