Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
