I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
