He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
