he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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