last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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