i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
