So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
