i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
