I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
