Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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