i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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