so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
