We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
