so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize