just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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