hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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