I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
