Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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