People in love make me want to vomit
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Houston, we have a blender
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
