i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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