I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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