Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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