I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I have demons in me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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