dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
