K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
