I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
