dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
