I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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