I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize