I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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