God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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