Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
