I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
