I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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